Friday, November 16, 2012

The Perfect Survivalist Snack Cake Is No More

This just in on the Armageddon Newswire: Hostess brands has announced it is closing immediately. What does this newsflash have to do with the End of the World? Well...

According to The Elementary School Rumor Mill, only two things were ever going to survive a nuclear war: cockroaches and Twinkies. With a legendary shelf-life nearing that of plutonium, acquiring Twinkies was often a goal on any apocalyptic survivalist's To Do List. Case in point:

Family Guy's "Da Boom" episode took place after a nuclear exchange destroyed the world. As the Griffin family wandered the wastelands, Peter -- remembering that Twinkies can withstand such a disaster -- made it his mission to get the family to the Twinkie factory in a nearby town. When they got there, they saw that the golden spongecakes had indeed survived, feeding them all for years. A new post-apocalyptic village arose around the Twinkie factory ruins.

In the zombie survival movie Zombieland, Tallahassee has one goal in life after the apocalypse: to find and eat a single Twinkie. This quest of his takes he and Columbus to an abandoned Hostess truck by the side of the road; to a supermarket (where they meet Little Rock and Wichita for the first time); to a (sadly empty) Deep-Fried Twinkies booth at Pacific Playland. At the end of the movie, Tallahassee gets his Twinkie, leading to Rule 32: Enjoy the Little Things.

Apparently, store shelves have been laid bare upon the news, so if you haven't had a Twinkie in a while, you probably missed your chance. And there won't be any after the End of the World either.

(And truth be told, I'm a Zingers man anyway.)


  1. I thought that there were Twinkies in the booth, but Columbus had shot them? I guess I have to rewatch the movie yet again, or at least that scene.

    1. You are correct. I just remembered that the booth didn't pan out "Twinkie-wise," but I had forgotten they were destroyed rather than empty.

  2. Why do people think Twinkies are long-lived? They aren't, the filling is sweetened and flavored hydrogenated beef-fat.

  3. Twinkies are (and will still) be available in Canada. Maybe I should become a Twinkie-runner (Twinkie Mule?) and work my way up to Cake Lord. First you get the Twinkies, then you get the power, then you get THE WOMEN!

  4. Wall E used Twinkies to feed Hal, his pet cockroach.