A Note To Players: The GM Doesn't Need Your "Help"

Hey gang,

Today’s blog post is a bit of a rant session, so if you would rather read a game review or get a new monster for your RPG, this isn’t the post for you. If, however, you’d like to read the tirade of a frustrated GM, feel free to read on.

(One note: I’m paraphrasing and writing in generalities so that I don’t specifically ID or call out anyone. I may have been pissed when I wrote this, but I’m not 100% a dick.)

I had prepped a couple of online games for one of the conventions that was shifting to a virtual presence this year. I made contact with all players, sent out character sheets, and games were scheduled to begin later in the week. A few days later, one of the players contacted me as follows:

“Hi there. I finally got a chance to look over the character you sent me, and I must say, I’m underwhelmed. Do you run a particularly hardcore game with high stakes? If not, he’s not likely to survive. Looking at his hit points, he only has 6. Per the rulebook [snipped math calculations -TS] means this is the absolute minimum he can have. Also, he only has two mutations (one of them Infrasight, which is pretty useless) and, again, according to the rules [more snippage -TS] is the average number of mutations he could have. If you’re trying to have a fun con game, I find it odd you’d provide me with a character who is weak in every possible way. However, I can make it work, but just wanted to point this out to you.”

Huh. OK, so I wrote back and explained that the character was a straight random generation with no GM finagling. I also explained that the character in question had been played in three other games without fatality. In fact, the PC’s other mutation had been instrumental in those games. But if the player wanted another character, I’d send them one.

They wrote back:

“Thanks for the reply. I would suggest in the future that the characters you provide be more substantial for your players so they have more options to work with at the table. For example, when I run a game, I make sure to [snipped suggestions on how to “improve” PCs -TS]. However, I can make this character work, and it will probably be fun to play someone with these many detriments!”

Realizing they were not gonna let this go, I rolled up a new character that had more hit points, better ability scores, and four or five mutations. I sent it to the player as a replacement.

They wrote back:

“Hey, I said I was happy to play the character you sent me. If you’re being passive-aggressive about this, I don’t appreciate it. If you have something to say, just say it. Don’t beat around the bush.”

I snapped, and sent the following reply:

“I was willing to give you a new character because you’ve written to me twice now just to complain about what a crappy character you got. But if you want plain speak, here it is: I found your first email both insulting and condescending. The only passive-aggressiveness is coming from your direction. ‘My character sucks, but I’ll begrudgingly play it if I have to.’ Would you have launched into this diatribe if we had initially met at the table at a convention? Probably not. Your next email was telling me how I could do things better, as if I needed advice on how to improve the adventure I’ve written and run several times before. But the phrase that was over the line was, ‘If you’re trying to have a fun con game…’. I’m not ‘trying’ to have a fun game. I *do* have one. After 35 years of GMing at conventions, I think I have a pretty good notion on how to do it. And I’m stressed out enough trying to juggle 11 other players remotely without unsolicited advice on how I can ‘improve’ things.”

I wrapped up by saying all they needed to do was point out the PC seemed weak and if they could play something else or up the hit points a bit. Not a problem; I would’ve been happy to swap them out. But I didn’t need or want their unsolicited criticism.

The player must’ve been chastised or just didn’t see how they were coming across as they did send an apology as well as an offer to drop out of the game. It became a moot point as I needed to cancel my events due to a personal issue that surfaced.

Now that I have that off my chest, let me remind everyone that – even though we’ve moved to the slightly less personal “online world” – we still need to treat folks the way we’d treat them in person across the game table. GMs, your players have sought you out for the sole reason of having a good time. Treat them with respect because they’ve put their trust in you. Players, your GM has created a world for you to explore. Treat them with respect because they’ve put their trust in you.

For Your Consideration: A New Definition Of "OSR"

Some food for thought:

Earlier today, as I hammered together a blog post on one of my favorite classic boardgames, I realized that not everyone would agree with me that this game could be classified as "OSR." Classic RPGs, sure. I think most can agree on that. But what about classic wargames? Or classic board-and-chit simulations? What about games like Magic Realm? TSR's mini-games? Battletech? Talisman? Squad Leader? I bought each of these games brand new back in the 80s at my FLGS. Can we consider these games as part of the OSR? Yes? No?

And, as they say this time of year: "I puzzled and puzzed until my puzzler was sore."

I even asked the OSR G+ board if they felt that tabletop board/wargames could be classified as "OSR." And the opinions were just as varied. A big part of the problem is that there is no true consensus as to what "OSR" stands for. It is:

• Old School Renaissance?
• Old School Revival?
• Old School Role-playing?

You know what our problem is? It's that damn "R" at the end. If you feel it means "role-playing," then you may feel that boardgames are not part of the OSR landscape and must be rejected. Those who feel it's "renaissance" or "revival" may think that the game in question must be undergoing some kind of resurgence in popularity or at least be returning to the public eye for it to be classified as such. A long-forgotten game that no one is playing nowadays can't be considered, can it?

I swear, defining the OSR is like trying to specifically define pornography: "I may not be able to specifically describe what it is, but I know it when I see it."

In an attempt to bridge all of our personal preconceptions as to what is and what isn't covered under the OSR banner, I'd like to offer up the following suggestion:

OLD

SCHOOL

RECREATION

If it's old school, and it's a game, then it counts. Boom. Done. Ship it.

And to those who want to argue that this is too open to interpretation, and we need to narrow the focus to disallow games like Scrabble or Space Invaders or Cat's Cradle, well I'll let you worry about your exclusions. I'll be too busy playing Car Wars.

Rant From A Dog Guy (EDITED: Dog Was Returned Home)

FOLLOW-UP INFO TO BELOW POST: I wanted to add this at the top for folks who wanted a follow-up. My mother-in-law just called, and the dog WAS microchipped. She got the owner's address, and our four-legged overnight guest was returned to her owner later this morning. Owner was an elderly man, and she just got away from him. He was worried sick all night, so all worked out.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Sorry gang, but I'm pissed and worked up and I gotta rant about personal stuff. Those of you who'd rather not stick around can tune in later today. I'll then pay my Joesky Tax with a new Mutant Future weapon for you to torment your players with.


Anyway, I'm a Dog Guy. Love dogs. Small dogs, big dogs, slobbery dogs, etc. When I see a dog in distress or in trouble, I become a big ol' softy. Then I get super-mega-ultra pissed, increasing in pissed-offed-ness until the dog is taken care of and the situation is resolved. Last night, around 8 p.m., I heard a dog baying outside of my house. Went outside and found a collar-less, tag-less beagle wandering loose around my yard. Couldn't have been more than a year old. It was clean, seemed well fed, but it was lost, scared, and panicky. And those who have been around beagles know how they get when worked up. AWOOOOOOO...

I brought the dog into our fenced-in yard, so it wouldn't get loose/lost again. Brought out some food and water and tried to get it to settle down. (AWOOOOOOO...) My wife and I tried to decide what to do with her. We couldn't keep her in our own house as our own dog was already going berzerk-nuts. So we thought the best thing to do would be to take her to the dog warden across town. That's where strays are taken and, if microchipped, the dog will be reunited with her owner. (It's the first place I'd go if my own dog got loose.) So we bundled the beagle up in my car (AWOOOOOOO...), did a few laps around the neighborhood to see if anyone was looking for her, then took her out to the dog shelter (AWOOOOOOO...)

Upon arriving (8:30 p.m.), we found the place locked up. There are several drop-off-doors where you load the pup in, then lock the door behind her so she's inside and safe until morning. And we found every door already locked. I knocked, and there were no dogs within these holding pens. The warden apparently neglected to UNlock them for any after-hours drop-offs. So we then drove to the Humane Society on the other side of town. (AWOOOOOOO...)

Got there, and they were both closed and had no after-hours drop-off. There was an emergency number on the door so we called it. And got a very nice recording letting us know they were currently closed. My wife then called our personal vet's home number -- someone we've known for 15 years who has handled all of our dog-related issues. We just wanted any answers or suggestions or advice she could give us on what to do with this stray dog at now-going-on 9 p.m. (AWOOOOOOO...) "Well, it's gonna freeze tonight," she said. "You'll need to keep her in the house or she'll freeze. You can bring her by in the morning and I'll check to see if she's microchipped." When we pointed out we wanted to deal with this NOW and not "in the morning," she helpfully told us she had no ideas, didn't know of any place else to take her, and we should deal with it in the morning. (AWOOOOOOO...)

We then drove to two kennels we know of. The residents live ON THE PREMISES, and we were willing to pay for the dog's overnight stay someplace safe and warm -- just not our house. At both places, we knocked and were ignored, even though we know there were people in both residents. But it was after-hours, they were closed, so screw us 20-different-ways. (AWOOOOOOO...) So my wife and I ended up back at home after a 2 hour trip around the city.

Upon getting home, I got the beagle on a leash and we walked the entire neighborhood. My hopes (at 10 p.m.) was that we'd hear SOMEONE calling for her. At that point, I would have sprinted there to get her home. Instead, the beagle and I walked through the darkness and the cold ... and the silence. A light snow began to fall -- the first of the season. She wasn't baying anymore, as she was exhausted -- we both were. When I got home, she wolfed down the food and water we had set out for her earlier. I got out a thick blanket, laid it in my own dog's crate, and placed the beagle in there. She went right to sleep. When I tried to leave the room, she'd pop up and whimper, so I had to sleep on the couch within eyesight just so she'd settle down.

So here it is, the next morning. Both me and the wife need to go to work, so my mother-in-law graciously agreed to swing by this morning, pick up the beagle, and drop her off at the dog warden's office. (My MIL is not only a dog person, but a beagle person too.) So my hope is that this all has a happy ending and the dog is reunited with her owners later today.

And now, the folks I'm pissed at:

• The neglectful owners who allowed this animal to get loose. And who didn't have a collar and tags on her. And who (I'll bet cash-money on this) didn't have her microchipped.
• The dog warden and humane society, both of who have no after-hours process in place to take care of situations that didn't occur on a 9-to-5 schedule.
• My vet, who had no advice or suggestions or "try calling this rescue organization" information. I expected a bit more direction than "It's your problem."
• The two kennel owners who hid behind closed doors rather than coming to the door to either help us out or send us on our way.

It seemed my wife and I (and my mother-in-law) were the only ones last night who gave a damn about this lost dog. And, as pissed and as inconvenienced as I am, why did I go through all this? Because I'd hope that, if my own dog got loose and lost, someone would do her a kindness and keep her safe and warm until such a time as she could be taken to the first place I'd look for her.

Thanks for hearing me out. I feel better having ranted. Back to the fun and  toys and games and mutants.