Dangerous Encounter: The Great Pumpking

In this encounter, the players have stumbled into a fight already in progress. In the distance, they'll hear sounds and shouts of a battle being joined. Whether through curiosity or the thrill of apparent combat, the PCs should be "prodded" into investigating. When they arrive, they'll see a small village being overrun by Pumpkin Men (MF rules, page 90). These evil plant-men seem to be slaughtering everyone they can reach violently and viciously. All are armed with daggers, clubs, and pitchforks (ML's choice), plus they're setting fire to the village huts with their optic emissions mutation. The villagers are putting up a fight, but they are woefully underpowered for such a vicious foe. It is hoped that the PCs will leap in to assist!

Pumpkin Men (6) (AL C, MV 120' (40'),  AC 6, HD 7, #AT 3 or 1 (2 claws, bite or weapon), 1d6/1d6/1d8 or weapon, SV L4, ML 9, mutations: natural vegetal weapons, optic emissions (gamma eyes))

After the Pumpkin Men are driven off, the villagers gather in the communal central area to both thank the PCs for saving them from the evil marauders, as well as to determine their next course of action. According to the villagers, the Pumpkin Men have been attacking and raiding the town around Harvest Time every year. Each year, the village is able to drive them off. A group of villagers is then selected to go over the hills and into the neighboring "Valley of the Gourds" where a huge pumpkin patch grows wild, filling the valley floor. It is from this patch that the Pumpkin Men are spawned. They have tried destroying all gourds they encounter; tearing up the soil and salting the earth; drenching the soil with poisons -- nothing seems to put a permanent end to the recurring terror.

However, this year the village has secured two 55-gallon drums of petroleum from a Bygone refueling station. They plan to raid the patch, douse the vines with gasoline, and set the whole valley on fire to stop this nightmare once and for all. They ask the PCs if they would help put an end to this menace. They offer to reward the PCs for their assistance. It is left to the PCs to plan the raid on the Pumpkin Men patch, as well as how to safely transport and apply 110 gallons of gasoline!

It takes about a half-hour to reach the crest of the hill that overlooks the Valley of the Gourds. From the crest, the PCs (and any villagers who tag along) can see a dozen Pumpkin Men standing in a circle. A weird otherworldly chant fills the air as they sway slowly back and forth. In the center of the circle, the PCs can see the vines, leaves, thorns, and twigs of the pumpkin patch twisting together and joining into a roughly humanoid shape. The Pumpkin Men are summoning a Pumpking which they hope will assist them in destroying the village once and for all! The summoning ritual is complete and the Pumpking will fully form in 5 more rounds. Once it has risen from the pumpkin patch, its soul purpose is to destroy the village and it will tromp off to complete the mission it was summoned for. Of course, the Pumpkin Men who called it into existence will follow to watch the carnage. -- unless it can be stopped in time!

Pumpkin Men (12) (AL C, MV 120' (40'),  AC 6, HD 7, #AT 3 or 1 (2 claws, bite or weapon), 1d6/1d6/1d8 or weapon, SV L4, ML 9, mutations: natural vegetal weapons, optic emissions (gamma eyes))

Pumpking (1) (AL C, MV 180' (60'),  AC 3, HD 13, #AT 3 (2 claws, bite), 2d6/2d6/2d8, SV L7, ML 10, mutations: gigantism, natural vegetal weapons, optic emissions (gamma eyes))

The PCs (and any villager NPCs who came along) will have their hands full with both the enraged Pumpkin Men and their giant construct. If attacked, the Pumpkin Men will stand and fight, but the Pumpking will stomp away from the battle in its single-minded mission to destroy the village. If the Pumpking reaches the little town, everything and everyone there will be utterly destroyed. However, if the Pumpkin Men and Pumpking are defeated, the villagers use the gasoline to create a "cleansing fire" that ends of threat of the Valley of the Gourds permanently. As thanks to the PCs for their help, they will be shown the location of the Bygone refueling station where there's not only an abundance of surplus petrol, there's also a fully functioning Bygone vehicle that they can claim as their own. (Mutant Lord's discretion as to what kind of vehicle they may find there.)

Ancient Armory: Scorpion's Sting

Weapon: Scorpion's Sting
Variable Damage: 1d4
Special: +1 AC; poison
Weight: 3 lbs.
Cost: 150 gp

Scorpion's Sting is a forearm-mounted weapon/shield used as a thrusting/slicing weapon. The weapon wraps around the arm while the hand grips a handle underneath. The "claws" and "legs" of the scorpion-shaped device are sharp blades, which can slice for 1d4 hp of damage. The upturned "tail" is sharped into a lethal point which can also do 1d4 hp of damage if thrust forward like a dagger.

Scorpion's Sting has two other useful properties. The device can be used as a small shield, offering a +1 AC bonus when used in this manner. The user must determine when entering combat if Scorpion's Sting will be used as a weapon or defensively. If used as a weapon, the device does NOT give its user the +1 AC bonus. If used as a shield, it may not be used as a weapon. Also, the "tail" of Scorpion's Sting is traditionally coated with the venom from a Giant Scorpion (MF rules, page 93). If someone is successfully hit during a "thrust" attack, they must save versus poison of die. Success means they take 1d6 hit points of damage. The tail can only hold enough poison for one such attack.

Rant From A Dog Guy (EDITED: Dog Was Returned Home)

FOLLOW-UP INFO TO BELOW POST: I wanted to add this at the top for folks who wanted a follow-up. My mother-in-law just called, and the dog WAS microchipped. She got the owner's address, and our four-legged overnight guest was returned to her owner later this morning. Owner was an elderly man, and she just got away from him. He was worried sick all night, so all worked out.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Sorry gang, but I'm pissed and worked up and I gotta rant about personal stuff. Those of you who'd rather not stick around can tune in later today. I'll then pay my Joesky Tax with a new Mutant Future weapon for you to torment your players with.


Anyway, I'm a Dog Guy. Love dogs. Small dogs, big dogs, slobbery dogs, etc. When I see a dog in distress or in trouble, I become a big ol' softy. Then I get super-mega-ultra pissed, increasing in pissed-offed-ness until the dog is taken care of and the situation is resolved. Last night, around 8 p.m., I heard a dog baying outside of my house. Went outside and found a collar-less, tag-less beagle wandering loose around my yard. Couldn't have been more than a year old. It was clean, seemed well fed, but it was lost, scared, and panicky. And those who have been around beagles know how they get when worked up. AWOOOOOOO...

I brought the dog into our fenced-in yard, so it wouldn't get loose/lost again. Brought out some food and water and tried to get it to settle down. (AWOOOOOOO...) My wife and I tried to decide what to do with her. We couldn't keep her in our own house as our own dog was already going berzerk-nuts. So we thought the best thing to do would be to take her to the dog warden across town. That's where strays are taken and, if microchipped, the dog will be reunited with her owner. (It's the first place I'd go if my own dog got loose.) So we bundled the beagle up in my car (AWOOOOOOO...), did a few laps around the neighborhood to see if anyone was looking for her, then took her out to the dog shelter (AWOOOOOOO...)

Upon arriving (8:30 p.m.), we found the place locked up. There are several drop-off-doors where you load the pup in, then lock the door behind her so she's inside and safe until morning. And we found every door already locked. I knocked, and there were no dogs within these holding pens. The warden apparently neglected to UNlock them for any after-hours drop-offs. So we then drove to the Humane Society on the other side of town. (AWOOOOOOO...)

Got there, and they were both closed and had no after-hours drop-off. There was an emergency number on the door so we called it. And got a very nice recording letting us know they were currently closed. My wife then called our personal vet's home number -- someone we've known for 15 years who has handled all of our dog-related issues. We just wanted any answers or suggestions or advice she could give us on what to do with this stray dog at now-going-on 9 p.m. (AWOOOOOOO...) "Well, it's gonna freeze tonight," she said. "You'll need to keep her in the house or she'll freeze. You can bring her by in the morning and I'll check to see if she's microchipped." When we pointed out we wanted to deal with this NOW and not "in the morning," she helpfully told us she had no ideas, didn't know of any place else to take her, and we should deal with it in the morning. (AWOOOOOOO...)

We then drove to two kennels we know of. The residents live ON THE PREMISES, and we were willing to pay for the dog's overnight stay someplace safe and warm -- just not our house. At both places, we knocked and were ignored, even though we know there were people in both residents. But it was after-hours, they were closed, so screw us 20-different-ways. (AWOOOOOOO...) So my wife and I ended up back at home after a 2 hour trip around the city.

Upon getting home, I got the beagle on a leash and we walked the entire neighborhood. My hopes (at 10 p.m.) was that we'd hear SOMEONE calling for her. At that point, I would have sprinted there to get her home. Instead, the beagle and I walked through the darkness and the cold ... and the silence. A light snow began to fall -- the first of the season. She wasn't baying anymore, as she was exhausted -- we both were. When I got home, she wolfed down the food and water we had set out for her earlier. I got out a thick blanket, laid it in my own dog's crate, and placed the beagle in there. She went right to sleep. When I tried to leave the room, she'd pop up and whimper, so I had to sleep on the couch within eyesight just so she'd settle down.

So here it is, the next morning. Both me and the wife need to go to work, so my mother-in-law graciously agreed to swing by this morning, pick up the beagle, and drop her off at the dog warden's office. (My MIL is not only a dog person, but a beagle person too.) So my hope is that this all has a happy ending and the dog is reunited with her owners later today.

And now, the folks I'm pissed at:

• The neglectful owners who allowed this animal to get loose. And who didn't have a collar and tags on her. And who (I'll bet cash-money on this) didn't have her microchipped.
• The dog warden and humane society, both of who have no after-hours process in place to take care of situations that didn't occur on a 9-to-5 schedule.
• My vet, who had no advice or suggestions or "try calling this rescue organization" information. I expected a bit more direction than "It's your problem."
• The two kennel owners who hid behind closed doors rather than coming to the door to either help us out or send us on our way.

It seemed my wife and I (and my mother-in-law) were the only ones last night who gave a damn about this lost dog. And, as pissed and as inconvenienced as I am, why did I go through all this? Because I'd hope that, if my own dog got loose and lost, someone would do her a kindness and keep her safe and warm until such a time as she could be taken to the first place I'd look for her.

Thanks for hearing me out. I feel better having ranted. Back to the fun and  toys and games and mutants.

Wizards, Mutants, Lazer Pistols Issue 5 Now Out!

God help me, I love this gonzo lil' 'zine. After 8 months, Issue Number 5 of Wizards, Mutants, Lazer Pistols
is now out! Prepare for more OSR WTF goodness from Alex and his Merry Band of Miscreant Mutants as they bring you an encounter in a pumpkin patch (Halloween scariness!), random charts for random horrors (Eek!), a strange NPC (Zounds!), and a fully-fleshed out dungeon level for explorin'! (Jinkies!)

Wizards, Mutants, Lazer Pistols has just enough "gonzo-fantasy-by-way-of-the-final-cataclysm" to make it a must-buy for post-apocalyptic fans. And fantasy fans. And anyone who wants to spice up their games with some good old-fashioned "What the HELL?!?" shouted by their players.

Any issue from 1 to 5 is $3.75 shipped in the U.S., and $6.00 international. Sniderman says, "Go get some."